Tuesday, September 30, 2014

We Need to Find Out

Los Angeles Times
Breaking news

First Ebola case diagnosed in US, CDC confirms

Los Angeles Times | September 30, 2014 | 2:26 PM

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has confirmed the first Ebola case diagnosed in the United States.

It appears the patient is being treated at a hospital in Texas, as three public health and hospital officials from the state are scheduled to appear at a news briefing at CDC headquarters in Atlanta at5:30 p.m Eastern time.

For the latest information go to www.latimes.com.


I suggest that the President ask the Congress to authorize immediate and necessary funding to combat this pandemic force, and in effect ask for a blank check up to $50 billion.   Oh, and at the same time ask for authorization to engage in activity (might even call it war) on ISIL in the Middle-East.  You think Congress might get to work...or are the Republicans just too busy with distractions to be bothered?



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Something to Know - 30 September

Tom Toles


Recalling the situation and scene at Tienanmen Square about 25 years ago, you can start to replicate it in Hong Kong today.   The outcome and its reverberations will affect us all greatly, but mostly those who live in Hong Kong and those on Taiwan.   The central authority of Beijing is being challenged - is one way to look at it.  However, the bigger issue is that Beijing is not following the agenda that it promised, and the whole world knows about it:
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Juan
 

Andy Borowitz

(The real kicker is that Rep. Issa is conducting a House Committee hearing today to delve into the failings of the Secret Service, but no one is bothering to take issue with the Congress authorizing the President to engage with ISIS.  Coward!  (ed.)

Obama to Move to Doorman Building

BY 


WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—President Barack Obama has decided to move his family into a full-service doorman building in Washington, D.C., saying that "it just makes more sense right now."

"It really will work better for us," Obama said in a press conference Tuesday morning. "In addition to the doorman, there's a guy at the front desk, and, if anyone comes to see you, the desk guy will call up to your apartment first to make sure it's O.K."

The senior doorman at the Obamas' new building, Alex Kornash, seemed unfazed about providing security for the President. "I've been a doorman for twenty-three years," Kornash said. "Someone doesn't belong here, you tell them to go away. What's so hard about that?"

The 2,140-square-foot, three-bedroom condominium that the Obamas will call home includes many amenities, including central air-conditioning, a washer/dryer and all new stainless-steel appliances, according to its real-estate listing.

In addition, when the President makes one of his frequent trips, "there's someone to take in the mail and water the plants," he said.

Since the President's announcement of his move, there has already been considerable interest in the White House, mainly from foreign buyers, sources said.


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Monday, September 29, 2014

Something to Know - 29 September

Jeff Danziger

1.  I have been struggling of late to get out of my ostrich method of survival.  I mean, it has been darn right depressing for the last two months to get your arms around something interesting without having the ooze of doom slide off on you from all the other news.  Having said that, I will try and start off with my go-to guy (well he and David Brooks, as well) for something worth knowing about:

2.  This morning, I saw Representative Paul Ryan in an interview.  He has written a book, and is in the process of "re-inventing" himself to make another run.  His big issue with his GeeOpie party is that they must become "more inclusive and aspirational", which really means his buddies in Congress are stuck in the mud on social issues that alienate any minorities, women, and anyone to the center-left.   This piece by the NY Times editorial board, speaks to that:
http://www.nytimes.com/2014/09/29/opinion/the-tide-of-the-culture-war-shifts.html?emc=eta1

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Juan
 
Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you'll start having positive results.
-- Willie Nelson
 

Thursday, September 25, 2014

Andy Borowitz


TODAY 9:05 AM

Cheney: "No Fair" That Obama Gets to Bomb Syria

BY 



NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—In a Thursday appearance on the Fox News Channel, former Vice-President Dick Cheney said that it was "no fair" that President Obama gets to bomb Syria.

"I'm envious as hell," he told Fox's Sean Hannity. "That was on my bucket list."

Asked if he had any advice for the President on bombing Syria, Cheney said, "Just enjoy it. It doesn't get any better than this."

The former Vice-President struck a philosophical note at the conclusion of his interview with Hannity. "Look, I had a good run," he said. "I got to bomb Afghanistan, and I got to do it to Iraq—twice. But to see someone finally get to bomb Syria and it's not me? I'd be lying if I said that didn't hurt like hell.


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Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Andy Borowitz


Americans Who Have Not Read a Single Article About Syria Strongly Support Bombing It

BY 


CREDITPHOTOGRAPH BY ABDALGHNE KAROOF/REUTERS

WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Borowitz Report) — In a positive development for the U.S.-led campaign of air strikes in Syria, a new poll indicates strong, broad-based support for the mission among people who have yet to read a news article about Syria.

According to the poll, released on Tuesday, the bombing campaign got a thumbs-up from people who had no information about Syria's civil war, including its duration, the parties involved, and what a Sunni is.

Additionally, the air strikes garnered enthusiastic support from people who could not correctly identify the President of Syria, tell what the acronym ISISstands for, or locate Syria on a map.

According to pollster Davis Logsdon, who supervised the survey for the University of Minnesota's Opinion Research Institute, the poll numbers augur well for the mission going forward.

"People who have not read a single article about Syria are a key constituency because they represent an overwhelming majority of Americans," he said. "And when you asked the follow-up question of whether they intended to read an article about Syria in the future, their answer was a resounding no."

According to Logsdon, the bombing campaign also earned high marks from another important group, Americans who think that they maybe read a news headline about Syria but did not click on it.


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Sunday, September 21, 2014

Andy Borowitz

Largest Climate-Change March in History Unlikely to Convince Idiots

BY 


NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report) – A climate-change march that organizers claim was the largest on record is nevertheless unlikely to change the minds of idiots, a survey of America's idiots reveals.

Despite bringing attention to a position that is embraced by more than ninety per cent of the world's scientists, the People's Climate March, which took place on Sunday in New York City, left a broad majority of the nation's idiots unconvinced.

"Look, if hundreds of thousands of people want to march about something, it's a free country," said Carol Foyler, an idiot from Kenosha, Wisconsin. "But let me ask them something: if the climate is really getting warmer, why was it so cold up here last winter?"

Harland Dorrinson, an idiot from Hollywood, Florida, was also unmoved by the message of Sunday's march. "What these marchers don't realize is that the planet goes through natural cycles of heating and cooling," he said. "Blaming people for global warming is like blaming dinosaurs for the ice age."

Skepticism about scientists characterized many of the idiots' remarks, including those of Tracy Klugian, of Albuquerque, New Mexico. "Those marchers are holding signs that say 'Scientists this, scientists that,' " he said. "Well, how can scientists be sure that the Earth was colder thousands of years ago, when no one had invented a thermometer?"

Klugian said he was confident that, despite the impressive numbers for Sunday's march, idiots would prevail in the ongoing climate-change debate. "At the end of the day, there are more people like us in Congress," he said.


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****
Juan
 
I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me.
-- Hunter S. Thompson 

Friday, September 19, 2014

Andy Borowitz


Okay Graham, whats next?

Queen Accepts Scotland's Apology

BY 



CREDITPHOTOGRAPH BY LEWIS WHYLD/WPA-POOL/GETTY

LONDON (The Borowitz Report) – In the aftermath of Scotland's "no" vote in the referendum on becoming an independent country, Queen Elizabeth II, of Great Britain, took to the airwaves on Friday morning to inform the people of Scotland that she "graciously and wholeheartedly" accepted their apology.

"Although the matter of independence has been settled, one question remains very much open," she said in an address televised across Scotland. "And my answer to that question is this: yes, I forgive you."

The Queen made only scant reference to her obscenity-laden tirade on Thursday, in which she reamed the Scots for even considering breaking away from the United Kingdom.

"Like any parent with a naughty child, I became a little cross," she said. "I forgive you for provoking me."

The Queen ended Friday's address to the Scottish people on a conciliatory note. "Let us all, each and every one of us, move forward now as one great nation, enjoying the benefits and the history of our glorious and historic union," she said. "Even the forty-five percent of you who are wankers."

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Juan
 
I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me.
-- Hunter S. Thompson 

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Andy Borowitz



Female G.O.P. Senators Propose Earning Seventy-one Per Cent As Much As Male Colleagues

BY 

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Two days after voting against the Paycheck Fairness Act, a law that would help women to obtain equal pay, the four female Republicans in the United States Senate co-sponsored a bill that would slash their salaries to seventy-one per cent of what their male colleagues earn.

The senators—Kelly Ayotte (R-N.H.), Susan Collins (R-Maine), Deb Fischer (R-Neb.), and Lisa Murkowski (R-Alaska)—said that the best way to take a stand against big government's intrusive attempts to mandate equal pay for women was to take a twenty-nine-per-cent pay cut themselves.

"The days of the federal government forcing us to earn as much as male senators are over," Ayotte said. "We will not stop fighting until we make twenty-nine per cent less."

Fischer said that after voting down paycheck equity for women across America, the female Republican senators realized that they themselves were "burdened by the tyranny of equal pay" in the U.S. Senate.

"All we are asking for is the same freedom from equal pay that other American women enjoy," Ayotte said.

Though the bill was just proposed on Wednesday morning, Murkowski said that it already has the unanimous support of male Republicans in the Senate.

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Juan
 
I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me.
-- Hunter S. Thompson 

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Andy Borowitz




Kerry Claims U.S. Has Found a Moderate Syrian Rebel

BY 

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In what Secretary of State John Kerry described as a significant foreign-policy coup, the U.S. claimed, on Tuesday, that it had successfully located a moderate Syrian rebel.

Though Kerry did not elaborate on how the U.S. did so, he said that locating the rebel was "the culmination of a months-long effort."

The Secretary of State said that the Syrian had been appropriately vetted and was deemed "moderately rebellious."

"He definitely seems to be the sort of gentleman we can work with," Kerry said, adding that several millions of dollars would be spent arming and training the rebel in the days and weeks ahead.

Kerry said that the government's successful identification of a moderate Syrian rebel was a major victory that should silence critics of the U.S.'s strategy in Iraq and Syria.

"To all of the naysayers who have been arguing that there are no moderate Syrian rebels, I am here today to say that we have found one," Kerry said. "And if we have found one, that means that there must be others out there."

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Juan
 
I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me.
-- Hunter S. Thompson 


Something to Know - 16 September (the other day of Mexican Independence that Gringos never remember or associate with drinking Margaritas)

Ben Sargent

1.  Andrew Bacevich tells it like it is.  Obama is proposing that we do the same old game, that does provide some semblance of doing something, but really nothing in the long term:

2.  The current Ebola crisis is something that has happened before.  You'd think that some preparation of a program to combat it would have been developed to meet future such events.  Nah, you are wrong.   This is kind of like the ISIS or ISIL virus.  It is whack-a-mole every time it comes up - by David Brooks:

3.  If the feel-good stories, Mickey Mouse Club memories, and Cisco and Tonto riding off into the sunset are your form of youthful escape, this piece by Roger Cohen is just the opposite.  Warning, this will surely depress you:
http://www.nytimes.com/2014/09/16/opinion/roger-cohen-the-great-unraveling.html?emc=eta1

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Juan
 
I have the true feeling of myself only when I am unbearably unhappy.
-- Franz Kafka  


Monday, September 15, 2014

Andy Borowitz

Integrity Disqualifies Sanders for White House

BY 


CREDITPHOTOGRAPH BY J. SCOTT APPLEWHITE/AP

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—The Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders's potential bid for the 2016 Presidency was declared over, on Monday, before it even began, because of a key feature of the American political system that makes a person with integrity ineligible for the White House.

According to some experts, the electoral system has developed a number of safeguards over the past few decades to prevent someone with independence and backbone from occupying the Presidency.

"Bernie Sanders's failure to become a member of either major political party excludes him from the network of cronyism and backroom deals required under our system to be elected," said Davis Logsdon, a political scientist at the University of Minnesota. "Though that failure alone would disqualify Sanders, the fact that he is not beholden to a major corporate interest or investment bank would also make him ineligible."

Because of his ineligibility, Logsdon said, the Vermont Senator would be unable to fund-raise the one billion dollars required under the current system to run for President. "The best source of a billion dollars is billionaires, and Sanders has alienated them," he said. "Clearly he didn't think this through."

Logsdon said that Sanders might persist in his quest for the White House despite his ineligibility but that such an effort would be doomed to fail. "Our political system has been refined over the years specifically to keep people like Bernie Sanders out of the White House," he said. "The system works."


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Juan
 
I am not an Englishman, I was never an Englishman, and I don't ever want to be one. I am a Scotsman! I was a Scotsman and I will always be one.
-- Sean Connery  


Friday, September 12, 2014

Something to Know - 12 September

Cristi Haiser's photo.

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Juan
 
Thank God for our form of government. The media won't let there be any cover-up.
-- John McCain


Thursday, September 11, 2014

11 September 1973 (09/11/1973)

Here's something else to ponder on Sept 11. This is the 41st anniversary of the first Sept 11--the one that happened in Chile when Pinochet overthrew the Allende government. It's not just that over 3,000 people were killed or disappeared during the regime, and tens of thousands tortured. Nixon's immediate embrace of state terrorism in Chile gave the green light to militaries and like-minded civilians throughout Latin America to do the same in the name of stopping Cuban-style revolution. And they did: 200,000 killed in Guatemala, 75,000 in El Salvador, 30,000 disappeared in Argentina, heightened repression almost everywhere.

Thomas Clayton Wright
Prof. Latin American History, UNLV

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Juan
 


Something to Know - 11 September

Jerry Holbert

1.  The discussion on the "Yes/No" vote in Scotland is opening up to a larger forum that includes other countries (including the USA with its Texas zealots) courting similar expressions of secession.  In my opinion, each current example has some merit, and needs to be based on matters of the wallet besides the obvious matter of emotions of the heart.  However, if Texas wants to go...let them (only keeding):

2.  Charles Blow attempts to put into perspective a path for us to get on a war footing again.  All I can say is that I hope we have learned from our mistakes.  Two of those mistakes are still living with us - one is a goofy former college cheer leader (a career path he should have stayed with), and the other is some Bozo who lives up in Montana or Wyoming who shoots the faces of his hunting partners.  The other realities need to be remembered as we plod through this minefield:
http://www.nytimes.com/2014/09/11/opinion/charles-blow-the-cost-of-war.html?hp&action=click&pgtype=Homepage&module=c-column-top-span-region&region=c-column-top-span-region&WT.nav=c-column-top-span-region

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Juan
 
I am not an Englishman, I was never an Englishman, and I don't ever want to be one. I am a Scotsman! I was a Scotsman and I will always be one.
-- Sean Connery  


Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Something to Know - 10 September

Steve Breen

1.  Frank Bruni of the NY Times offers up a perfect way to describe our dysfunctional congress.  It's like the political version of the "Hotel California"   - Welcome to the Hotel on the Hill, where you can vote them the lowest on the polls, but they can never leave:

2.  To those who are still unaware of the situation in the United Kingdom, and the issue of secession by Scotland to be voted on in the middle of this month, this is a good article of information.  The emotions are running high, and maybe higher than a reasonable level of sanity.  There are good reasons based on past neglect and current abuses for the Scots to be pissed, but as a good gentleman near Alnwick, England pointed out - "they have not thought this all out":
http://www.nytimes.com/2014/09/10/world/europe/scotland-independence-vote.html?emc=eta1

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Juan
 
 
I am not an Englishman, I was never an Englishman, and I don't ever want to be one. I am a Scotsman! I was a Scotsman and I will always be one.
-- Sean Connery 

Andy Borowitz


Cheney Says Iraq Would Be Stable If He Were Still President

CREDITPHOTOGRAPH BY MARK WILSON/GETTY

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Harshly criticizing the current occupant of the White House, Dick Cheney told reporters on Wednesday, "Iraq would be stable today if I were still President."

"ISIS is a problem that President Obama has made possible," Cheney said during a press conference on Capitol Hill. "I never would have let that happen when I was Commander-in-Chief."

He said that he would listen to President Obama's speech on Wednesday night about destroying the Islamic State in Iraq and al-Sham, but admitted that he was not expecting much. "Quite frankly, whenever President Obama talks about Iraq he sounds delusional," he said.

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Juan
 
 
There are worse crimes than burning books. One of them is not reading them.
-- Ray Bradbury   

Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Something to Know - 9 September

Tom Toles

1.  Getting back to culling and assembling this piece on a regular basis is getting confusing, frustrating, and frankly - depressing.  What do you put out here when all seems to be so negative?   Rather than name all the issues, and figure out what is more relevant to think about....I just figure you guys see and hear about it all day long, and are just as weary.   Having started my college auditing class yesterday (Colonial Latin American History -at Pomona College), and getting ready to volunteer my time in helping out at the admissions office at Pomona by interviewing freshman applicants later this month, I am more inclined to speak to the issues relating to education and the opening of minds through the college and university experience.  Here is one piece by David Brooks that speaks to the real issue of why people should continue to expand the mind, and not be overwhelmed by pressures to learn a skill and make money from the "git-go":

2.  Following up on the previous piece by Brooks, here is one subject that got my blood boiling.   I think you can figure it out, but of all the evils in the world, there is one among the many that is of the worst kind; the suppression of knowledge.  Radical forces that advocate the dumbing down of contemporary thought in favor of the "moral purity" of the past.  Censoring the syllabus of college readings is just as "säuberung" , the literary purge (book burnings) that took place in Nazi Germany:

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Juan
 
 
There are worse crimes than burning books. One of them is not reading them.
-- Ray Bradbury   

Monday, September 8, 2014

Andy Borowitz


CNN Begins Coverage of Royal Pregnancy

BY 



CREDITPHOTOGRAPH BY W FAWCETT DON/GETTY

NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—CNN kicked off its coverage of the latest royal pregnancy on Monday by simulating the journey of Prince William's sperm to Kate Middleton's egg.

Holding two plastic models of the Windsors' reproductive cells, the CNN host Don Lemon offered viewers a dramatic re-creation of the path taken by the royal spermatozoon.

The CNN president Jeff Zucker praised the demonstration, calling it "the perfect way to kick off our twenty-four-hour coverage of this story for the next nine months."

"This is the most important story of the year, and we plan to throw everything at it," Zucker said, adding that he was reassigning reporters who are currently working from Ukraine.

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Juan
 
 
Holy Royal Zygote
-- In Memory or Robin Williams