Our favorite friends at Park & Rec

The Juan Percent has begun publishing recipes.

He develops these in the middle of the night. 

The Potus

44 parts legitimate distilled spirits
1 part other*
 (*other - the squeezed juice of a thin-skinned tangerine or the moisture squeezed from  a soggy Russian hotel mattress ) 
Created February 2, 2017

компромисс: (translation from Russian = The Compromise) 
1 part Putin Tang
1 part Doofus Donny
4 parts Hidden Go-Pro
6 parts Leaking Ladies
Mix thoroughly and chill for several months
Hold over Doofus Head
Published January 31, 2017

The Spineless Congress Souffle

  • Assemble 535 congressional vertebrate creatures,
  • Separate the lot into two separate piles. The Progressive Vertebrates and the Regressive Vertebrates
  • Return to Progressives to their original container.
  • With what is left, delicately fillet and carefully remove the bony spine from each Regressive.
  • After the Regressives have been processed, place them all into a large flat pan
  • Into this same pan, add sufficient finely ground detritus from pork barrel swill to cover all the Regressive matter, and then fold in the mixture of corporate lobbyists and false promises, and blend until tax loopholes are completely invisible.
  • Place the mix into a pan well greased with corruption and 1% grade greed.
  • Place processed mix into the oven.
  • Do not turn on the heat.  Just leave it all in the oven and open and check every 2-year cycle or 6-year cycle, and make adjustments as needed when the ingredients change.
  • When the stench in the oven becomes unbearable, turn on the gas for the oven.  Wait 10-minutes and then strike the match.
  • The ensuing explosion will then constitute a reason to revisit the original congressional menu items.

No comments:

Post a Comment