NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—In a Thursday appearance on the Fox News Channel, former Vice-President Dick Cheney said that it was "no fair" that President Obama gets to bomb Syria.
"I'm envious as hell," he told Fox's Sean Hannity. "That was on my bucket list."
Asked if he had any advice for the President on bombing Syria, Cheney said, "Just enjoy it. It doesn't get any better than this."
The former Vice-President struck a philosophical note at the conclusion of his interview with Hannity. "Look, I had a good run," he said. "I got to bomb Afghanistan, and I got to do it to Iraq—twice. But to see someone finally get to bomb Syria and it's not me? I'd be lying if I said that didn't hurt like hell.