WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Two days after voting against the Paycheck Fairness Act, a law that would help women to obtain equal pay, the four female Republicans in the United States Senate co-sponsored a bill that would slash their salaries to seventy-one per cent of what their male colleagues earn.
The senators—Kelly Ayotte (R-N.H.), Susan Collins (R-Maine), Deb Fischer (R-Neb.), and Lisa Murkowski (R-Alaska)—said that the best way to take a stand against big government's intrusive attempts to mandate equal pay for women was to take a twenty-nine-per-cent pay cut themselves.
"The days of the federal government forcing us to earn as much as male senators are over," Ayotte said. "We will not stop fighting until we make twenty-nine per cent less."
Fischer said that after voting down paycheck equity for women across America, the female Republican senators realized that they themselves were "burdened by the tyranny of equal pay" in the U.S. Senate.
"All we are asking for is the same freedom from equal pay that other American women enjoy," Ayotte said.
Though the bill was just proposed on Wednesday morning, Murkowski said that it already has the unanimous support of male Republicans in the Senate.
I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me.