WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Vice-President Mike Pence has started wearing a mask
after Anthony Fauci told him that it will protect him from women, Fauci has confirmed.
After seeing video of a maskless Pence touring the Mayo Clinic, on Tuesday, Fauci said,
"I knew I had to come up with something fast" to get through to Pence.
Fauci immediately got on the phone with the Vice-President and informed him that "clinical
research" had demonstrated that a mask is "an effective female-repellent."
"I told him that wearing a mask would protect him from 99.99 per cent of all women,"
Fauci said. "He seemed very impressed."
In an official statement, the Vice-President thanked Fauci for his excellent advice and indicated
that he would start wearing a mask at all times, including at home.