WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a possible breakthrough that Americans have been
hoping for, experts believe that the coronavirus could be defeated by the Twenty-fifth
Amendment to the United States Constitution.
The experts, from the fields of science, public health, government, and law, were uniformly
enthusiastic in their conviction that the Twenty-fifth Amendment is the single most powerful
weapon that the nation currently has to vanquish the coronavirus.
"Researchers are hard at work developing therapeutics and vaccines, but it will be some
time before those solutions are viable," Davis Logsdon, a doctor and professor at the University of Minnesota, said. "The Twenty-fifth Amendment is ready to go right now."
Although much about the coronavirus remains unknown, Logsdon said, "We've learned a
lot about some of the conditions that enable it to thrive, like incompetence, laziness, and ignorance. The Twenty-fifth Amendment eradicates all three of those conditions. It's like constitutional Lysol."
Logsdon acknowledged that using the Twenty-fifth Amendment has raised some concerns,
since it has never been used before on a human, but added, "I can think of no better human to use it on."