WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Borowitz Report)—Days after the Senate Majority Leader,
Mitch McConnell, advised cash-strapped states to declare bankruptcy, Donald J.
Trump added that they could avoid such a filing by borrowing millions from their dads.
"These states need to get on the phone with their dads and explain the mess they've
gotten themselves into," Trump said. "Their dads might give them a royal chewing out,
but the old men will come through with the cash."
Detailing his plan to return the states to solvency, Trump said, "Their dads can bring t
he money into the states in a briefcase, or a bag of casino chips. Whatever's easiest."
If, however, their dads "won't cough up the dough," Trump told the states that
bankruptcy is "no big deal."
"You can file for bankruptcy four, five, six times," he said. "It works out very
strongly and powerfully, and everything will be nice."
Trump expressed his surprise that it had never occurred to the states to ask their
dads for money. "Sometimes it feels like I have to do everything around here,"