WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a sharply critical op-ed piece for the Russian Web site Pravda, Sen. John McCain (R-Arizona) called Russian President Vladimir Putin "a brutal, freedom-hating tyrant" and challenged Mr. Putin to tear down the Berlin Wall.
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Sen. John McCain (R-Arizona) was harshly critical today of President Obama's nationally televised address about Syria this week, telling CNN's Wolf Blitzer, "The President's decision to think before attacking another country flies in the face of American foreign policy."
"The United States of America has been involved in countless armed conflicts since this great nation was founded," Mr. McCain said. "Many of those would never have happened if we'd stopped to think about them first. Sadly, the President seems not to have learned this lesson of history."
Calling the President "an Ivy League law professor who never met a thought he didn't like," Mr. McCain said that he was urging Mr. Obama "to please take thinking off the table."
"The stakes for America couldn't be higher right now," he said. "Our global reputation for rushing into war with no advance planning is hanging by a thread."
Mr. McCain said that he is attempting to schedule a meeting in the Oval Office, where he plans to deliver a "strong and clear" message to Mr. Obama: "Mr. President, what you are doing is playing into the hands of the enemy. Thinking solves nothing."
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
1. We get our news and factual data from a strange collection of resources these days. Charlie Rose interviews Bashar Al-Assad, and now Putin writes a contributing editorial for the New York Times. Strange things in strange times. After you have read this op-ed by the Russian leader, you really have to reflect on how the use of social media (yes, that includes newspapers) applies to our perception of the world these days:
Before I get to the next piece, I just want to express my feelings about how President Obama went to a full-court press in getting all of his key administration officials and HIMSELF involved in stirring up support for military action in Syria. I want to express my personal disappointment that he DID NOT display the same effort toward his Affordable Care Act, which the GOP and the Tea Baggers are using as a rallying point to defeat his agenda. Shame on him.
2. Now, while the Anniversary of September 11 came and was somberly memorialized, the lunatic fringe of the extreme right used the occasion to continue a distasteful and sleazy way of honoring the president who got us out of the mess that Bush created:
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Secretary of State John Kerry said today that he was "shocked and flabbergasted" that the Russians heeded his suggestion about Syria's chemical weapons, telling reporters, "After four decades in public life, this is the first time someone has taken me seriously."
"Whether as a senator, a Presidential candidate, or Secretary of State, I've devoted countless hours to thunderous and droning speeches that people have consistently tuned out," he said. "So naturally, to be listened to all of a sudden came as something of a shock."
But after the novelty of not being ignored wore off, Mr. Kerry said, the Russians' assertion that he had said something worth paying attention to "seemed like a trick."
"You mean to tell me that after decades of spewing mind-numbing rhetoric I all of a sudden blurted out an idea worth acting on?" he said. "It doesn't pass the smell test."
At the White House, spokesman Jay Carney welcomed the Russians' engagement in the Syria crisis, but warned that "further actions based on John Kerry's remarks will not be tolerated."
"We ask the Russians to be constructive participants in this process," he said. "And taking John Kerry seriously is a clear violation of international norms."
I don't think meals have any business being deductible. I'm for separation of calories and corporations.
1. If you are interested in international intrigue and the nefarious movement of military arms from Russia to Syria, using a combination of Soviet Military and private contractors, you will find this interesting. It also opens up to the view of what may come to the fore if any military response by the good old USA on Syria becomes a reality. One would speculate that this may aggravate a necessity to block the Black Sea via Istanbul to the Mediterranean, and then what? This reads like a screen play for a movie:
2. Maureen Dowd offers her view of the dilemma that Obama has created for himself. Which way he gets out of it is his problem, and his problem alone. No one is going to be there to help him. Stay tuned for the Fat Lady to sing next week?:
3. This article reveals that there exists sentiment within the ranks of organized union labor to change their business model by opening up membership to just about anyone who shares in their values. Considering that the current base of elected representatives in Congress is mostly millionaires (and more), there exists only a minority that is vocal and independent enough to take on the powerful corporations, ALEC, and the Koch empire. Is this the way a new political party begins?:
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Aides to President Obama said today that he was "visibly shaken" after receiving support from House Speaker John Boehner for his Syria campaign, adding that the Speaker's vote of confidence was "making him rethink the whole thing."
An aide to Mr. Obama, speaking on the condition of anonymity, said that he was in the Oval Office with the President when he got the call from Mr. Boehner: "As it became clear that Boehner was going to support him on this, he looked more and more stunned. He was trying to stay calm and all but you could see that he was really taken aback."
After putting down the phone with Mr. Boehner, the President reportedly told aides, "Boehner's supporting it. That's so weird. This is still a good idea, right?"
Moments after the President had "seemed to settle down," the aide said, he received a phone call from House Majority Leader Eric Cantor, who also offered his support for the Syria plan.
"That one really rattled him," the aide said. "He was like, 'I think I need to take a long walk.'"
The calls from Mr. Boehner and Mr. Cantor have created what the aide called "the biggest crisis of confidence this President has ever experienced."
"I checked in on him later in the day, just to see if he was O.K.," the aide said. "He was cradling his head in his hands saying, 'I just don't know. I just don't know anymore.'"
While the President's plan to attack Syria remains on the table, the aide indicated that the situation is very fluid: "If Rand Paul calls today and says he's in, the whole thing goes away."
A society that has more justice is a society that needs less charity.
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—As the debate over Syria moves to the United States Congress, a leading Senate Republican said today that the only way to resolve the crisis in the war-torn Middle Eastern country is by "defunding Obamacare at once."
Appearing on the Fox News Channel, Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas) told host Sean Hannity, "If we're trying to send a strong message to [Syrian President] Bashar al-Assad, I can think of no better way to do that than by defunding Obamacare."
Elaborating on his strategy, Sen. Cruz added, "By defunding Obamacare, we would basically be saying to Assad, 'This is how we attack our own President, so just imagine what we'll do to you.' That would make him think twice before he pulls another one of his stunts."
"You can fire off as many Tomahawk missiles as you want," said Sen. Cruz. "But they won't have the same impact on Syria as defunding Obamacare."
Shortly after his appearance, Sen. Cruz's statements drew a sharp rebuke from a fellow Republican, Arizona Senator John McCain, who called the prospect of bombing Syria "the only thing I have to live for."
"Look, I've been in a very dark place since the 2008 election," Sen. McCain told reporters. "There have been a lot of mornings when, quite frankly, I haven't had a reason to get out of bed. It's all well and good for people like Ted Cruz to criticize Tomahawk missiles, but hitting Syria is all that's keeping me going."
1. It is difficult to make any definitive commentary on the positions of politcos, since the stuff that flows from the mouths is changing and unpredictible now. So this is what the NY Times said this morning, before McCain sided with Obama....and before Boehner shifted to that side as well: