WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Sen. John McCain (R-Arizona) was harshly critical today of President Obama's nationally televised address about Syria this week, telling CNN's Wolf Blitzer, "The President's decision to think before attacking another country flies in the face of American foreign policy."
"The United States of America has been involved in countless armed conflicts since this great nation was founded," Mr. McCain said. "Many of those would never have happened if we'd stopped to think about them first. Sadly, the President seems not to have learned this lesson of history."
Calling the President "an Ivy League law professor who never met a thought he didn't like," Mr. McCain said that he was urging Mr. Obama "to please take thinking off the table."
"The stakes for America couldn't be higher right now," he said. "Our global reputation for rushing into war with no advance planning is hanging by a thread."
Mr. McCain said that he is attempting to schedule a meeting in the Oval Office, where he plans to deliver a "strong and clear" message to Mr. Obama: "Mr. President, what you are doing is playing into the hands of the enemy. Thinking solves nothing."
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.