Sunday, March 31, 2013
Something to Know - 1 April
Something to Know - 1 April
Saturday, March 30, 2013
Something to Know - 31 March
Something to Know - 30 March
Friday, March 29, 2013
Something to Know - 29 March
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Justice Antonin Scalia dropped a bombshell on the Supreme Court today, announcing his decision to resign from the Court "effective immediately" and leave the United States forever.
Calling this week "by far the worst week of my life," Justice Scalia lashed out at his fellow-Justices and the nation, saying, "I don't want to live in a sick, sick country that thinks the way this country apparently thinks."
Justice Scalia said that he had considered fleeing to Canada, "but they not only have gay marriage but also national health care, which is almost as evil."
He said the fact that nations around the world recognizing same-sex marriage are "falling like deviant dominoes" would not deter him from leaving the United States: "There are plenty of other countries that still feel the way I do. I'll move to Iran if I have to."
Throwing off his robe in a dramatic gesture, Justice Scalia reserved his harshest parting shot for his fellow-Justices, screaming, "Damn you! Damn each and every one of you to hell! You call yourself judges? That's a good one. You're nothing but animals!"
Breathing heavily after his tirade, he turned to Justice Clarence Thomas and said, "Except you, Clarence. Are you coming with me?"
Justice Thomas said nothing in reply.
Read more: http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/borowitzreport/2013/03/bitter-scalia-leaves-us.html#ixzz2OtYSSFuK
-- Johnny Carson
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
Something to Know - 27 March
-- Johnny Carson
Monday, March 25, 2013
Something to Know - 26 March
-- John Gaule
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Something to Know - 19 March
HOUSTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a sombre ceremony attended by former members of the Bush Administration, the former Vice-President Dick Cheney marked the tenth anniversary of making up a reason to invade Iraq.
The ceremony, held on the grounds of the Halliburton Company headquarters, brought together the former Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, the former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, the former Deputy Secretary of Defense Paul Wolfowitz, and other key members of the lying effort.
Calling the assembled officials "profiles in fabrication," Mr. Cheney praised them for their decade of dedication to a totally fictitious rationale.
"Making up a reason to invade a country is the easy part," Mr. Cheney told them. "Sticking to a pretend story for ten years—that is the stuff of valor."
Mr. Cheney added that their "steadfast charade had raised the bar for all future Administrations."
"When it is time to invade Iran or Venezuela, will the President have the will to make up an entirely fake reason to do it?" he asked. "That remains to be seen."
The ceremony ended on an emotional note, as Mr. Cheney placed a wreath on the Tomb of the Unknown W.M.D.
Former President George W. Bush, who was said to be otherwise engaged, was represented at the event by a nude self-portrait.
Saturday, March 16, 2013
Something to Know - 17 March
-- Dr. Seuss