Thursday, May 30, 2024

Andy Borowitz

The Borowitz Report 

4:11 AM (3 hours ago)
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NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—Calling the situation a "rigged disgrace," Donald J. Trump said on Thursday it is "totally unfair" that he is not on the jury of his trial.

"You have these twelve losers in a room, trying to figure out what the hell was going on," he told reporters. "Meanwhile, I was there the whole time and know everything, but I'm not allowed to be a juror? This is like some kind of banana republic."

"I saw the movie 'Twelve Angry Men,'" Trump continued. "I should be one of those angry men. I would be the angriest man, by far."

Blasting Judge Juan Merchan, Trump said, "Look at him. Look at where he's from. I'm not going to name the place, but he's from a very bad place. That's why he won't let me be a juror. I'd be a juror if Aileen Cannon was the judge."

Juan Matute
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― The Lincoln Project

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