SEATTLE (The Borowitz Report)—Jeff Bezos, the founder of Amazon.com, told reporters today that his reported purchase of the Washington Post was a "gigantic mix-up," explaining that he had clicked on the newspaper by mistake.
"I guess I was just kind of browsing through their website and not paying close attention to what I was doing," he said. "No way did I intend to buy anything."
Mr. Bezos said he had been oblivious to his online shopping error until earlier today, when he saw an unusual charge for two hundred and fifty million dollars on his American Express statement.
After investigating with the credit-card company, he was informed that he had been charged for the purchase price of the entire Washington Post, which, he said, was "pure craziness."
"No way in hell would I buy the Washington Post," he said. "I don't even read the Washington Post."
Mr. Bezos said he had been on the phone with the Post's customer service for the better part of the day trying to unwind his mistaken purchase, but so far "they've really been giving me the runaround."
According to Mr. Bezos, "I keep telling them, I don't know how it got in my cart. I don't want it. It's like they're making it impossible to return it."
As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind - every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder.