WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Vice President Joe Biden said today that he "can't wait" to deliver his speech at the 2012 Democratic Convention, but that he still has not been told where the gathering will take place.
"I guess I could Google it," he said, "but my Internet stopped working a few weeks ago, and I've had a heck of a time getting it fixed."
Mr. Biden said he expects someone to tell him the details about the convention "any day now," but, in the meantime, he is working on his Convention speech, which he guarantees "is going to blow people away."
"I was all set to read from a prepared text, but then Clint Eastwood's thing really raised the bar," he said. "I'm seeing this Convention as a chance to showcase my amazing improv chops."