Monday, August 13, 2012

Things that Mitt Wants Paul to Work into His Etch-a-Sketch

The Borowitz Report

AUGUST 13, 2012


NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—After watching its Vice-Presidential pick on the campaign trail over the weekend, the Romney campaign today issued the following confidential memo to Representative Paul Ryan (R., Wisc.):

From: Romney for President Campaign
To: Paul Ryan
Subject: Tweaks

We want to stress just how excited we are to have you as a member of America's Comeback Team. The following suggestions are intended to make a super performance even superer:

1. On your first stop on Saturday, you said, "I'm opposed to Obamacare and Medicare, and also the word 'care.' " Even though that was a big applause line, we're concerned that the MSM may take it out of context.

2. Some of your proposals, while bold and terrific, may need to be focus-grouped before you go public with them. We're thinking in particular of your town hall meeting on Sunday, when you proposed replacing Medicaid with Groupons. Also, we may want to dial back comments about putting the elderly on ice floes and letting them drift out to sea. Whenever an audience member at a campaign event needs a defibrillator that makes for bad optics.

3. Good people to quote in speeches: Ronald Reagan, Grover Norquist, Milton Friedman. Names to avoid: Ayn Rand, Marie Antoinette.

4. Just a suggestion/thought, but maybe come up with alternative ending for stump speech, other than "We're America's Comeback Team, and we're going to make America come back to the year 1860."

Other than those tweaks, just keep doing what you're doing. Don't know if you've noticed, but nobody's talking about Mitt's tax returns anymore! LOL

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