Wednesday, April 24, 2024

Andy Borowitz

The Borowitz Report 

4:10 AM (3 hours ago)
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NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—In a development that has rocked the news industry, The National Enquirer has lost millions of subscribers amid revelations that some of its stories might not be factual.

After Donald J. Trump's hush money trial exposed the Enquirer's inner workings, the newspaper's reputation for unimpeachable journalism suffered a severe blow, media insiders say.

Harland Dorrinson, an Enquirer subscriber for over thirty years, said discovering that the weekly periodical was not a dependable information source was "a gut punch."

"In a complex and confusing world, I always felt that there was one news outlet that could make sense of it all," he said. "That's been stolen from me."

If the Enquirer distorted its coverage to support Trump's election in 2016, Dorrinson wondered, "Does that mean Hillary Clinton wasn't really dying? Or that she didn't delete emails from her multiple lesbian lovers? Or that Bill Clinton didn't have a sex romp in a pickup truck that was caught on video? Now I don't know what to believe."

The longtime subscriber said that the Enquirer's sudden loss of credibility would force him to seek reliable reporting elsewhere, adding, "I guess I'll give Fox a shot."

What do you suppose he is thinking?

Juan Matute
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