Monday, April 22, 2024

Andy Borowitz

The Borowitz Report 

Wojciech Grzedzinski for The Washington Post via Getty Images

UKRAINE (The Borowitz Report)—After six months of what seemed at times an unwinnable battle, on Saturday the Ukrainian army scored a stunning victory over Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene.

Jubilant Ukrainian soldiers cheered as news spread that their despised foe from Georgia's 14th congressional district had been dealt a humiliating defeat.

Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky, who greeted his front-line troops with a flurry of high fives, declared, "This is a war between freedom and Marjorie Taylor Greene. Ukraine chooses freedom."

Answering a reporter's question, Zelensky signaled that he might be open to direct talks with Greene, but added, "We would need an interpreter since only I speak English."

On Sunday, Greene was still fuming about Ukraine's win, telling Fox News, "I don't see why Zelensky needs more weapons when he already has space lasers."

Juan Matute
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