Friday, May 8, 2020

Andy Borowitz

Bill Barr Tests Negative for Integrity

Attorney General William Barr attends the daily coronavirus briefing.
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a test result that he called 
"a tremendous relief," the Attorney General, Bill Barr, has tested negative
 for integrity, Barr confirmed on Friday.
Barr submitted to the test after learning that he had come into contact 
with career Justice Department prosecutors who were found to be 
integrity carriers.
"When I learned that there were still people at the Justice Department 
with integrity, I was understandably furious," Barr told reporters. 
"I told them to go home at once."

Barr said that he was putting into place new protocols that would require
 Justice Department employees to be tested for integrity before entering 
the building.
"I thought that anyone with integrity had already left the Justice Department, 
but apparently I was mistaken," he said. "It's better to be safe than sorry."
Although he was elated to learn that he had tested negative for integrity, 
Barr said that he shuddered to think how close he came to contracting the 
dreaded virtue.
"Having integrity would have made it impossible for me to work for 
President Trump," he said.


CoronaTrump is a nasty virus, and if we distance ourselves like
Patriots, like a miracle it will all be gone in the Fall.

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