Fauci Urges Non-Essential Worker to Go Home
By Andy Borowitz
April 3, 2020
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Dr. Anthony Fauci has urged a non-essential employee of the White House
Coronavirus Task Force to go home immediately, Fauci confirmed on Friday.
Speaking to reporters, the esteemed virologist said that he made the decision to expel the worker for
"the health and safety of others."
"He said that he felt fine coming to work every day," Fauci said. "I told him, 'You may feel fine,
but by coming into work you are endangering the lives of countless others.' "
Fauci said that his decision to send the non-essential worker home was based on the most recent
"What we're learning is that breathing and talking can put lives in jeopardy, and this one worker
did more breathing and talking than anyone else on the team," he said.
The employee is expected to spend fourteen hours a day in isolation watching television,
a two-hour increase from his normal routine.