WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Donald Trump has reached a groundbreaking deal with the Hawaiian Islands to make them the nation's fiftieth state, Trump confirmed on Monday.
Calling it "my most incredible deal yet," Trump said that he had forced Hawaii to bend to his will and "cough up billions" to become a state.
"This is a big win for our country," Trump told reporters at the White House. "Hawaii is going to be a beautiful and amazing state."
Just minutes after his announcement, however, there was significant pushback from Hawaii, which claimed that it had already reached a deal to become a state in 1959.
That claim swiftly drew the ire of Trump, who denounced Hawaii's alleged sixty years of statehood as "fake news" and "disgraceful."
"The Hawaiians better be very, very careful what they say," Trump warned. "I made them a state and I can take that away."