Wednesday, April 10, 2019

Andy Borowitz

Trump Names Lori Loughlin Education Secretary

Photograph by Joseph Prezioso / AFP / Getty

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—The shakeup in the Trump Administration continued on Wednesday as Donald Trump named a fellow television personality, Lori Loughlin, to be the new Secretary of Education.

In making the announcement, Trump praised Loughlin for her "disruptive approach" to college admissions and expressed hope that she could bring the same brand of innovative thinking to the Department of Education.

He brushed aside reporters' questions about the means by which Loughlin obtained college placements for her two daughters. "No one here has a problem with that," he said. "I know Jared doesn't."

The outgoing Secretary of Education, Betsy DeVos, said that she was grateful to have served in the Cabinet and that she would continue to work toward eviscerating American schools as a private citizen.


"Yes, yes, but I bring that out in people. I do. I'm not saying that's an asset or a liability, but I do bring that out. ...I bring rage out. I do bring rage out. I always have."
- Candidate Donald J. Trump in April, 2016

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