Trump Strips Citizenship from Children of Immigrants, Thus Disqualifying Himself from Presidency
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Donald J. Trump on Tuesday signed an executive order stripping the children of immigrant mothers of their citizenship, thus disqualifying himself from being President of the United States.
The constitutional crisis came to light moments after the signing ceremony, when a fourth grader visiting the Oval Office on a school tour pointed out the far-reaching legal ramifications of the order.
"Hey, wait, wasn't your mother from Scotland?" the student, Tracy Klugian, asked. "That means you're not a citizen and you can't be President."
Stephen Miller, a senior adviser to Trump and the author of the executive order, quickly grabbed the document from the Oval Office desk, panic spreading across his face as he reread it.
"Oh, my God," Miller gasped. "What have I done?"
Trump immediately called Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh for help in voiding the executive order, but Kavanaugh was unable to take the call because he was "sleeping off a rough night," an aide to the Justice said.
Asked to comment on Trump's predicament, former President Barack Obama said, "I can't imagine what it would be like not to be an American citizen. Of course, my mom was born here, so I'm good."