Tuesday, May 29, 2018

Andy Borowitz

White House in Panic Mode After TV Star with Racist Twitter Feed Loses Job

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—The White House was reportedly in panic mode Tuesday afternoon, shortly after news broke that a television star with a racist Twitter feed had been fired.

According to a White House source, Donald J. Trump immediately huddled with close advisers to discuss the firing, which, staffers agreed, "set an ominous new precedent."

"We've been living under assumption that a TV personality could tweet out as many racist things as he or she wanted with no consequences," the source said. "Now, all of a sudden, our worst nightmare has come true."

White House staffers are reportedly combing through Trump's thirty-seven thousand tweets, searching for ones that could be deemed fireable offenses, and have so far flagged more than thirty-six thousand of them.

Many on Trump's team are urging calm, however, claiming that the dismissal of one racist TV star could be an "isolated example."

"The only people who can fire Donald Trump right now are congressional Republicans, and they don't have the high moral standards that TV executives have," the source said.

Patriotism is not a short and frenzied outburst of emotion but the tranquil and steady dedication of a lifetime.
- Adlai Stevenson

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