Tuesday, April 17, 2018

Andy Borowitz

Hannity Says He Totally Forgot Michael Cohen Was His Lawyer When He Criticized F.B.I. Raid On His Office

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—One week after lambasting the F.B.I.'s raid on Michael D. Cohen's office as a "fishing expedition," Sean Hannity said that he "totally forgot," when he made those comments, that Michael D. Cohen was his lawyer.

"When I called the raid on Michael D. Cohen's office a 'fishing expedition' last week, it completely slipped my mind that my lawyer is, in fact, Michael D. Cohen," the Fox News host told his viewers. "My bad."

"If I had remembered at the time that Michael D. Cohen was my lawyer, and that some of the documents that were seized most likely involve me, I would of course have mentioned those things on the air," he said. "But honestly, the name 'Michael D. Cohen,' and the address of his office, just did not ring a bell."

Hannity said that his wife would "have a field day" with his forgetting Michael D. Cohen's name, because she always teases him for "having a brain like a sieve."

"I'm always forgetting things," he said. "My phone password. My keys. The name of my lawyer who did private stuff for me. That's old Sean for you. I'm hopeless."

In closing, he said that his newly uncovered connection to the F.B.I. investigation would "in no way" affect his coverage of the probe.

"I promise you, my viewers, that I will be fair and balanced, even though my lawyer is—what's his name again?" Hannity said. "I had it on the tip of my tongue."

Patriotism is not a short and frenzied outburst of emotion but the tranquil and steady dedication of a lifetime.
- Adlai Stevenson

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