Trump Gives Wife Beater Praise He Usually Reserves for Child Molesters and Nazis
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In comments to reporters at the White House on Friday, Donald J. Trump stirred controversy by lavishing an alleged wife beater with praise that he historically has reserved for child molesters and Nazis.
Reporters who heard the President's comments were taken aback since, in the past, the President had given no indication that he held wife beaters in the same high esteem in which he holds supporters of child abuse and white supremacy.
"We knew that President Trump considered child molesters and Nazis very fine people, but this was the first time he had put wife beaters up there, too," Tracy Klugian, a member of the White House press corps, said. "We wanted clarification as to whether he considered wife beaters as fine as those other two groups, or finer."
John Kelly, the White House chief of staff, accused reporters of attempting to drive a wedge between three of the President's most cherished constituencies.
"Donald Trump has made it very clear that he can be the champion of wife beaters, child molesters, and Nazis at the same time," Kelly said. "He doesn't play favorites."