White House: All Women Named Theresa Represent Real Threat
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Just hours after Donald J. Trump mistakenly sent an angry tweet intended for the British Prime Minister,
Theresa May, to a random woman named Theresa May Scrivener with only six Twitter followers, the White House press secretary,
Sarah Huckabee Sanders, offered a vigorous defense of his action. "The President may have attacked the wrong Theresa, but all
Theresas represent a real threat," Sanders said. Doubling down on the new White House policy against women named Theresa,
Sanders said that attacking women with the same first name as the British Prime Minister "sends her a powerful message."
"If you attack every woman named Theresa, you are obviously including Theresa May in that," Sanders told the press corps.
"Why is this so hard for you people to understand?"
Sanders said that Trump's war on Theresas would extend to women who spell their name "Teresa," including Teresa Giudice, a cast member
of "The Real Housewives of New Jersey," and Mother Teresa, the late Catholic nun and missionary.
"He is taking the threat of Theresas very seriously," she said. "It will be handled." While Sanders put the best face on Trump's
decision to send an angry tweet to the wrong Theresa, behind the scenes White House officials were scrambling to make sure that
he had imposed sanctions on the right Korea.
Patriotism is not a short and frenzied outburst of emotion but the tranquil and steady dedication of a lifetime.
- Adlai Stevenson
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