Satire from The Borowitz Report
Trump Accuses Clinton of Deliberately Losing Election So He Could Be Impeached
By Andy Borowitz
Photograph by Doug Mills / NYT / Redux
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In what might be his most startling allegation against his former election opponent, Donald Trump on Wednesday accused Hillary Clinton of deliberately losing the 2016 election just so that he could be impeached.
"How could one of the most experienced politicians in history lose to the most unfit candidate ever?" Trump asked reporters. "Crooked Hillary lost on purpose because she wanted me to be impeached."
Explaining Clinton's motives for intentionally sabotaging her quest for an office she had coveted for decades, Trump said, "Hillary Clinton is more than a nasty woman. She is an evil woman, and her sick mind is capable of anything."
Trump said that instead of reporting the "fake story" of his campaign's collusion with the Russians, the media should focus on Clinton's "diabolical scheme to lose the election."
"I don't know if Hillary Clinton lost the election on her own," Trump said. "Maybe she asked the Russians to help her lose. But the fact is, Hillary Clinton deliberately plotted to put me in the White House, and the American people should be very angry about that."
Patriotism is not a short and frenzied outburst of emotion but the tranquil and steady dedication of a lifetime.
- Adlai Stevenson