Trump Cancels Entire Schedule to Focus on Choosing Insulting Nickname for Bob Corker
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Donald Trump cancelled his entire schedule on Tuesday to focus all his energy on choosing an insulting nickname for the Senator Bob Corker of Tennessee, aides have confirmed.
Trump rejected his first attempt at a demeaning moniker for the senator, "liddle' Bob Corker," because he felt that he had used the "liddle' " construction too much in the past and feared that it was getting old.
"The President has very high standards for the insulting nicknames he uses," an aide explained. "He was not about to settle for 'liddle'.' " Trump thought he had a winner when he came up with "Corker the Porker," until aides pointed out that the Republican senator from Tennessee has an average physique, to which such an insult would not accurately apply.
At midday, Trump was reportedly "very excited" by the idea of calling the Tennesseean "Bob Mothercorker," until his daughter Ivanka begged him not to do so.
Trump's task was compounded later in the day, when it became clear that he would also have to figure out an insulting name for Senator Jeff Flake of Arizona. "All he keeps coming up with is 'Jeff Flake,' " an aide said
Patriotism is not a short and frenzied outburst of emotion but the tranquil and steady dedication of a lifetime.
- Adlai Stevenson
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