The Borowitz Report
Americans Demand That Offensive Symbol of Racism Be Removed from Public Property
By Andy Borowitz
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—A growing chorus of Americans is demanding that an offensive symbol of racism be removed from public property.
Creating outrage since it was first installed at a historic landmark in January, the symbol, a figure of a man standing six feet two and weighing approximately two hundred and fifty pounds, has emerged as one of the most despised objects in the country.
Now, less than seven months after the figure's installation, calls for its removal have spread from home to abroad, with many of the nation's allies wondering what possessed Americans to put such an odious figure in such a visible position.
Large protests broke out this week in New York City, where the offensive symbol was briefly on display.
"Every time I see [the racist symbol] on TV, I want to change the channel," one protester said. "I can't stand looking at it."
"This symbol is a part of America's dark, ugly past," another protester said, echoing the opinions of many. "It has no business being here in 2017."
Patriotism is not a short and frenzied outburst of emotion but the tranquil and steady dedication of a lifetime.
- Adlai Stevenson