SATIRE FROM THE BOROWITZ REPORT
TRUMP SUPPORTERS CELEBRATE IMMINENT LOSS OF THEIR HEALTH INSURANCE
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Moments after House Republicans voted to repeal the Affordable Care Act on Thursday, millions of Trump supporters celebrated the imminent loss of their health insurance.
From coast to coast, Americans who cast their votes for Donald J. Trump expressed jubilation at finally being relieved of the burden of being insured in the event of catastrophic illness.
"Ever since President Trump was inaugurated, I've been counting the days for him to take away my health insurance," Carol Foyler, a Trump supporter in Houston, said. "Today I just want to say thank you, Mr. President, for keeping your promise."
Harland Dorrinson, a Trump voter from Tallahassee, Florida, said that he was "excited as hell about losing my health insurance" but sounded a more cautious note.
"I just hope the Senate doesn't come in and give me back my health coverage," he said. "Right now this all feels too good to be true."
Most Trump supporters, however, would not let such gloomy predictions about the future ruin what for them was a day of unbridled celebration.
"Knowing that Trump could take away my Obamacare makes me feel super optimistic about what he's capable of," Tracy Klugian, of Columbus, Ohio, said. "I can't wait until he gets rid of my Medicare."
Trump has the intellectual depth of a coat of paint.