SATIRE FROM THE BOROWITZ REPORT
BEN CARSON SAYS PEOPLE PUSHED OUT OF WINDOWS GET UNIQUE OPPORTUNITY TO FLY THROUGH AIR
By Andy Borowitz March 7, 2017
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—At a press conference on Tuesday morning, Ben Carson, the Secretary of Housing and Urban Development, told reporters that people who are pushed out of windows are "extremely lucky" because they get "a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to fly through the air."
"Ever since the dawn of civilization, mankind has been enchanted by the dream of flight," Carson said. "People who get pushed out of windows get to realize that cherished dream."
"That's what makes America a great country," he continued. "People are pushed out of windows every day here."
Carson said that, while he had never personally been pushed out of a window, "it's on my bucket list."
On a subject more pertinent to his new job at hud, Carson said that people without housing "enjoy the rare satisfaction you can only experience by building your own dwelling out of cardboard."
Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.
- Mark Twain