SATIRE FROM THE BOROWITZ REPORT
REPUBLICANS ACCUSE VOTERS OF USING TOWN HALLS TO EXPRESS THEMSELVES
By Andy Borowitz 12:30 P.M.
Republicans Accuse Voters of Using Town Halls to Express Themselves
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Saying "Enough is enough," Republican senators on Friday angrily accused their constituents of "intentionally and opportunistically" using recent town-hall meetings as vehicles to express themselves.
One of the angriest Republicans, Senator Tom Cotton, of Arkansas, said he was "disgusted and offended" by the "flagrant exercise of freedom of speech" he witnessed at his town hall.
"The spectacle of people standing up, asking their elected representatives questions, and expecting them to answer is the most disgraceful thing I've ever experienced," Cotton said. "This will not stand."
Cotton accused "outside agitators" of sending voters to the town halls "to cynically exploit an obscure provision in the Constitution called the First Amendment."
"I'm not a conspiracy theorist, but isn't it a little suspicious that, in town hall after town hall, all these voters were so well-versed in one tiny sentence in the Constitution?" he said. "It doesn't pass the smell test."
While Cotton said that he would consider participating in future town halls, he warned that some modifications to the town-hall format were necessary, such as banning voters from the events.
"We need to send a strong message to these people," he said. "A town-hall meeting is not a time for everyone in town to come to a hall and meet."
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