SEEMINGLY DECENT HUMAN BEING'S INVOLVEMENT IN 2016 ELECTION CONFUSES VOTERS
By Andy Borowitz , 10:35 A.M.
MIAMI (The Borowitz Report)—The involvement of a seemingly decent human being in the 2016 election campaign left American voters stunned and deeply bewildered on Saturday.
In interviews across the country, voters expressed reactions ranging from shock to total incomprehension at the campaign début of a man who, at first blush, exhibits none of the outward characteristics of a sociopath or clinical narcissist.
Furthermore, the man's evident failure to be the target of fraud lawsuits, sexual-harassment claims, or federal criminal investigations was, in the parlance of many voters, "weird."
"He seems like a nice guy, the kind of person you might enjoy spending time with and getting to know better," said Harland Dorrinson, age thirty-two, who watched the man's unveiling on TV. "I don't know. The whole thing feels like some kind of prank."
The man's apparent humanity could spell trouble for his candidacy, as some voters questioned whether he has the capacity for unspeakable evil that is generally considered necessary to win higher office.
"I'm trying to keep an open mind, but I worry about his lack of experience being a dick," one voter said.
Donald Trump and the National Rifle Association aid and abet violence.
- An American Story
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