Monday, February 8, 2016

Andy Borowitz

TODAY 11:28 AM

Jeb Hopes to Woo Voters with Ad Featuring Worst President in U.S. History



NEW HAMPSHIRE (The Borowitz Report)—The former Florida Governor Jeb Bush is hoping to jump-start his lagging Presidential campaign with a new television ad featuring the worst President in U.S. history, campaign aides confirm.

With the crucial New Hampshire primary just hours away, the Bush campaign believes it can finish strong by reminding voters of Jeb's connection to a man who left the nation in smoldering ruins.

In the ad, which Bush aides are calling "a fantastic closing argument," Jeb's ability to keep the United States safe and create peace around the world is praised by the President, whose decisions helped destabilize the Middle East and give rise to ISIS.

Across the state, the ad featuring the worst President in U.S. history is making a powerful impression on voters. "It brought back a lot of memories," Carol Foyler, who lost her house in 2007, said.

With the ad scheduled to air around the clock until primary day, aides to Bush are hoping that the commercial, persuasive as it is, is not too little, too late. "We're kicking ourselves that we didn't air this sooner," one Bush aide said. "An endorsement from [the person who presided over the worst economic disaster since the Great Depression] confers instant credibility."


The National Rifle Association aids and abets gun violence.

- An American Story

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