JUNE 3, 2015
Leaked Republican Campaign E-mails, Re: White House Toddler Temper Tantrum
BY SHANNON REEDx
The White House had some unexpected drama when the toddler daughter of a journalist threw herself face-down on the carpet in a temper tantrum—at President Obama's feet.
—New York Daily News.
To: Republican Presidential Campaign Offices
From: Republican National Committee
Can any of you guys use this? Maybe something about how the kid's upset about Obama's policies or something? (Please don't forget to reply all.)
To: R.N.C.
From: Santorum Campaign
YES! FIRST RESPONSE. DIBS. We're gonna go with, "She's crying because of Obama's pro-homosexual agenda!"
To: Santorum Campaign
From: R.N.C.
You can't say that. We're not fighting gay rights anymore—losing position. Remember, our goal for 2016 is to WIN. Anyone else?
To: R.N.C.
From: Fiorina Campaign
Thanks for the opportunity! Go, Team, Win! Here's what we put together: "That little future C.E.O. is crying because she doesn't want the President to be a strong woman in pursuit of a feminist agenda."
To: R.N.C.
From: Fiorina Campaign
Never mind.
To: R.N.C.
From: Huckabee Campaign
"You'd cry too if your mom wasn't at home taking care of you!"
To: Huckabee Campaign
From: R.N.C.
We don't get it.
To: R.N.C.
From: Huckabee Campaign
'Cause the kid's mom is a journalist, working in the service of Satan. If she were a stay-at-home mom, as the good Lord intended, that little girl would get all the attention she needed and wouldn't have to throw a tantrum.
To: Huckabee Campaign
From: R.N.C.
Huckabee Campaign, maybe scale back the Satan stuff? It's not polling well.
To: R.N.C.
From: Carson Campaign
"As an African-American surgeon, the first thing I'd do is make sure her vital signs were O.K."
To: R.N.C.
From: Pataki Campaign
"You'd cry, too, if the anticipated rate of growth for the Social Security benefits you're statistically likely to receive were outnumbered three to two by the minimum rate of growth on the I.R.A. you'll decline to buy when you're twenty-seven. "
To: R.N.C.
From: Jindal Campaign
Hey, you guys! What's going on?
To: R.N.C.
From: Walker Campaign
"I'd give her a lollipop and explain why unions are evil. That's what I'd do."
To: R.N.C.
From: Bush Campaign
"When my dad and brother were President, they would not stand for this kind of malarkey in the White House, and I won't either!"
To: R.N.C.
From: Bush Campaign
Revised: "Just because my dad and brother did not stand for this kind of malarkey in the White House doesn't mean I will not either. But, just to be clear, I won't."
To: R.N.C.
From: Christie Campaign
"She's crying 'cause she's hangry, and let me tell you, I never let anyone go hangry in New Jersey!" And then we play "Born to Run."
To: R.N.C.
From: Mitt Romney
Just wanted to pop in and say good luck you guys (and lady)! Thanks for keeping me on this e-mail chain! Let me know if you need anything!
To: R.N.C.
From: Graham Campaign
"If I were Vice-President, I would haul that child out to the woodshed."
To: R.N.C.
From: Graham Campaign
Whoops! I meant to write, "If I were President…"
To: R.N.C.
From: Graham Campaign
Strike that! We don't believe in psychotherapy.
To: R.N.C.
From: Paul Campaign
Just a reminder: Don't forget to let us know what you decide, so our team can contradict it immediately after.
To: R.N.C.
From: Cruz Campaign
Oh, wow, thanks for including us, y'all!
To: All
From: R.N.C.
Apologies, we've removed the Cruz campaign from this e-mail thread.
To: R.N.C.
From: Trump
You guys are all idiots. I'm gonna kick your ass. Maybe. TRUMP IS NOT SAYING FOR SURE. But probably. For a coupla weeks, anyway.
To: All
From: R.N.C.
Apologies again, Trump is off the thread, too. We took a vote, and we're going to let the Pataki campaign have this one. No one understood their response, but then again, no one was offended by it. So, go for it, Pataki campaign!
To: R.N.C.
From: Paul Campaign
F.Y.I., we're going to go with, "Senator Paul supports working mothers, unlike the rest of the Republican Party."
To: Paul Campaign
From: R.N.C.
For the millionth time, we don't care what you do, Paul campaign.
To: R.N.C.
From: Giuliani Campaign
Is it too late for us to throw out an idea? Guys?
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