- FEBRUARY 11, 2014
RAND PAUL: HILLARY COULD BE DERAILED BY LITTLE-KNOWN LEWINSKY AFFAIR
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Potential Republican Presidential candidate Sen. Rand Paul (R-Kentucky) said today that he believes he has a “secret weapon” that will derail Hillary Clinton’s 2016 White House bid: “A little-known affair between her husband and a White House intern, Monica Lewinsky.”
Appearing on the Fox News Channel, Paul told the host Sean Hannity, “Sean, when the American people find out about this scandal, they are going to be shocked, truly shocked. It didn’t get a lot of coverage at the time.”
Asked by Hannity how the scandal could have remained under wraps for so long, Paul replied, “You’ll have to ask Bill and Hillary that. Let’s just say they’ve pulled a lot of strings to keep this story out of the mainstream media.”
“Unfortunately for them, Sean, I have the details on this juicy scandal and I’m prepared to share them with the American people,” he said. “I think it’s going to be a game-changer.”
While he believes that the shocking revelations about President Clinton’s Oval Office dalliances will be enough to destroy Hillary’s 2016 ambitions, Paul confirmed that he has other arrows in his quiver.
“It turns out that Hillary was involved in a business deal called Whitewater,” he said. “When the American people find out about this, it’s going to blow their minds.”
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
-- Harry S. Truman
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