WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In the latest scandal to rock the Obama Administration, a leading Republican congressman accused the President today of using his position to obtain free government housing for himself and his family.
According to Rep. Paul Ryan (R-Wisconsin), Mr. Obama "has arrogantly exploited the office of President to gain access to a fifty-five-thousand-square-foot residence that could double as a museum."
"While the average American is struggling to pay his bills, President Obama is living in a luxury home, adorned with priceless paintings and antiques as far as the eye can see," Rep. Ryan alleged.
Additionally, the Wisconsin congressman said, the President has availed himself of "sumptuous free meals—breakfast, lunch, and dinner—all on the taxpayer's nickel."
"Day after day, he selfishly sucks on Uncle Sam's teat," he said.
In keeping with Mr. Obama's bloated lifestyle as "Superstar-in-Chief," the congressman added, "The President travels with an entourage of highly trained bodyguards who would put Jay-Z's posse to shame."
Drawing a line in the sand, the Republican warned Mr. Obama to cut back on his lavish living arrangements "or face possible impeachment." "Across America, people are tightening their belts," Rep. Ryan said. "The President should not be living like a head of state."
"People have to talk about something just to keep their voice boxes in working order so they'll have good voice boxes in case there's ever anything really meaningful to say."