Thursday, August 23, 2012

GOP Changes Time and Venu of Convention

August 22, 2012


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TAMPA (The Borowitz Report)—With the threat of Hurricane Isaac hitting Florida next week, the Republican National Committee took the extraordinary step today of moving their 2012 National Convention to the seventeenth century.

While the decision to send the convention four centuries back in time raised eyebrows among some political observers, R.N.C. spokesperson Harland Dorrinson downplayed the unusual nature of the move.

"After exploring a number of options, we decided that moving to the seventeenth century would cause the least disruption," he said. "We're not going to have to change a thing."

Mr. Dorrinson added that despite recent controversy involving the U.S. Senate candidate Representative Todd Akin (R., Miss.), there would be no modification of the Party's official platform: "After we ban abortion in cases of rape and incest, we're going to focus on America's spiralling witch problem."


"Advice to writers: Sometimes you just have to stop writing. Even before you begin." 
       -- Stanislaw J. Lec
"It was enough to make a body ashamed of the human race." 
       -- Mark Twain
"The big thieves hang the little ones." 
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"Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger." 
       -- Franklin P. Jones
"If you reject the food, ignore the customs, fear the religion and avoid the people, you might better stay home."
       -- James Michner

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