Wednesday, August 5, 2026

Andy Borowitz


The Borowitz Report borowitzreport@substack.com 

4:16 AM (6 hours ago)
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WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) – In the latest rebuke to Robert F. Kennedy Jr.’s tenure as Health Secretary, on Wednesday a worm who dined in the candidate’s brain posted a brutal review on Yelp.

The worm’s review began on a discouraging note, claiming that Kennedy’s brain was “almost impossible to find.”

“Once I managed to get there, I couldn’t believe how cramped it was,” the worm continued. “I’m all for intimate dining but this place was ridiculously tiny.”

The worm also slammed the noise level in the candidate’s brain, complaining, “I couldn’t hear myself think with all the different voices in there.”

With one star, Kennedy’s brain ranks last in Yelp’s “Worm Dining” category, tied with Senator Ron Johnson’s brain.


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Juan Matute
R.B.R.
C.C.R.C.


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