Andy Borowitz

The Borowitz Report <borowitzreport@substack.com>	4:21 AM (6 hours ago)
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	Forwarded this email? Subscribe here for more Hegseth Says His Naturally High Testosterone Has Helped Him Apply Makeup Andy Borowitz Jul 22   READ IN APP   John Lamparski/Getty Images WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth on Wednesday credited his “super-high testosterone level” with his ability to apply “military-grade makeup.” “In order to be Secretary of War, I have to be Secretary of Warpaint,” he told reporters. “And my warpaint is by Estée Lauder.” “Being blessed with off-the-charts testosterone has enabled me to perform with extreme lethality,” he said. “Make no mistake: I am lethal with an eyebrow pencil.” In perhaps his boldest claim, Hegseth said that his makeup technique proved that he had the highest level of testosterone in the Trump administration, with the possible exception of Jeanine Pirro.

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Juan Matute

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