Monday, May 18, 2026

Andy Borowitz

The Borowitz Report borowitzreport@substack.com 
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BEIJING (The Borowitz Report)—Calling it a landmark deal, on Monday Presidents Xi Jinping of China and Vladimir Putin of Russia inked an agreement to jointly own Donald J. Trump.

According to sources familiar with the deal, the two leaders crafted a timeshare arrangement under which each will have the right to use Trump when the other is not.

Putin and Xi scooped up Trump at a bargain price since they acquired him in distressed or “as is” condition, sources said.

Both presidents were reportedly offered joint ownership of Eric Trump but passed.



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Juan Matute
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