Andy Borowitz

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	Forwarded this email? Subscribe here for more Iran Warns It Considers Having to Spend More Time With JD Vance an Act of War Andy Borowitz Apr 22   READ IN APP   Matthew Hatcher/AFP via Getty Images TEHRAN (The Borowitz Report)—In a major setback for Donald J. Trump, Iranian negotiators warned on Wednesday that having to spend “even one more minute” with JD Vance would be considered “an act of war.” “We spent twenty-one hours with this odious loser and refuse to endure such excruciating torture ever again,” the Iranians’ statement read. According to White House sources, Trump hopes that the mere specter of being trapped in the same room as Vance will compel Iran to reopen the Strait of Hormuz and abandon their nuclear program. But his strategy could run afoul of the Geneva Conventions, which consider a human repellent like Vance a biological weapon.

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