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WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a move that many called long overdue, on Thursday God formally notified House Speaker Mike Johnson that he was going to Hell. In a rare public statement, the Almighty said that Johnson's support of Donald Trump's war in Iran was the "last straw" that sealed the Speaker's eternal damnation. "What do you do with someone who claims to be a Christian and supports killing civilians?" God asked. "You send his ass to Hell, that's what." Confronted by reporters in a Capitol corridor, Johnson said he was "disappointed" by the Heavenly Father's decision, but added, "I serve a higher power: Donald Trump."
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Juan Matute
RBR
CCRC
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