Wednesday, April 2, 2025

Andy Borowitz



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WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—After being handed a bruising defeat in the state's Supreme Court election on Tuesday, Elon Musk angrily demanded that Wisconsin pay him back "in full" for the money he poured into the contest.

"I want $20 million wired into my account by end of business Wednesday," the furious South African declared. "And I want it all in cash, none of that worthless crypto shit."

"Until I am refunded, every voter I bribed is my employee," he continued. "As such, I forbid you to work remotely and demand that you report to Tesla headquarters at once."

In a final demand, Musk said he expected to be reimbursed $16.95 for the cost of his cheesehead.


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Juan Matute
The Harold Wilke House 
Claremont, California

Who is Asset Kraznov?
(we know where he is)


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