UNITED STATES OF AMERICA (The Borowitz Report)—Sen. JD Vance's effusive praise of people with children has caused millions of American parents to recoil in horror, interviews with parents reveal.
"I love my kids, but I must admit that Vance's endorsement of my decision to have them has made me question it," David, a father in Nebraska, said. "I hate the idea of being on the same page as that weirdo."
"You think you're happy, and then JD Vance agrees with your life choices and ruins everything," Janice, a mother in Missouri, said. "I know this sounds terrible, but if I had to do it all over again I'd skip having kids and maybe just have cats."
"Vance seems to be saying that you have to be childless to be a sociopath," Kevin, a father in Arizona, said. "As a sociopath with kids, I find that deeply offensive. And JD, a fellow sociopath with kids, should know better."
Vance vs. Yogurt: Which Will Last Longer?
Which will last longer: JD Vance on the Republican ticket, or this container of yogurt at room temperature? Read here about the likelihood of Vance being dumped by Trump.
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