Friday, July 19, 2024

Andy Borowitz

The Borowitz Report borowitzreport@substack.com 
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MILWAUKEE (The Borowitz Report)—Attendees at the Republican National Convention gave a thunderous ovation to the ghost of Jeffrey Epstein after he made a surprise appearance Thursday night to endorse Donald J. Trump.

"I know Donald Trump better than I know just about anybody," the spectral Epstein told the MAGA faithful. "Check my phone logs. There's no one I talked to more."

Visibly emotional, Epstein said he had never endorsed a presidential candidate before but was making an exception for Trump "because we were so close."

"Donald Trump shares my vision, my values, my core beliefs," he said. "I stand before you and the American people to deliver this message: A vote for Donald Trump is a vote for Jeffrey Epstein!"

The MAGA crowd roared their approval of Epstein, who got the warmest reception of the many felons who spoke at the RNC.



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Juan Matute
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