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WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Panic gripped the nation's prison guards on Thursday as they reacted to the prospect of body-searching Steve Bannon.
The thought of interacting with the naked Bannon had many in the guard community rethinking their careers, insiders confirmed.
"I've been living in fear of this day," Frank Klugian, a veteran correctional officer, said. "I knew it was bad news the minute I heard Mrs. Alito was flying her flag upside down again."
Harland Dorrinson, the warden of the penitentiary that will be receiving Bannon, said that "every protection" will be provided those carrying out the procedure, "Including, obviously, hazmat suits."
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