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MEXICO CITY (The Borowitz Report)—In her first major address since being elected president of Mexico, Claudia Sheinbaum warned that "remorseless criminals" from the US must be prevented from illegally entering her country. "These gangsters attack judges, pay off witnesses, and use threats and intimidation to undermine the rule of law," she said. "We cannot let their crime wave spread to Mexico." She criticized the United States for so far failing to incarcerate the vilest of these miscreants, who leads a criminal organization based in New York City. "This is madness," she said. "This monster committed 34 felonies, and yet he roams free."
This Father's Day, Give the Gift of TBR!
Why does poor Eric Trump look so baffled? Father's Day is coming right up and he doesn't know what to get his dad. Well, don't worry, Eric: TBR has a few great gift ideas! First of all, there's a gift subscription to The Borowitz Report. Dad will get all the benefits of paid membership, including all the Sunday features, The Borowitz Report podcast, and live chats during the presidential debates and nominating conventions. But wait, there's more! Eric's dad might also enjoy the updated version of my book PROFILES IN IGNORANCE. After all, he likes seeing his name in print, and it's all over this book.
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― The Lincoln Project
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