Andy Borowitz

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	Forwarded this email? Subscribe here for more Tommy Tuberville Opposes Contraception and All Other Polysyllabic Words JUN 11   READ IN APP   Drew Angerer/Getty Images WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Explaining his vote against birth control last week, Senator Tommy Tuberville said on Tuesday that he opposes contraception and all other words with more than one syllable. "I saw that word 'contraception' and that was a quick 'no' vote for me," the Alabama lawmaker said. "Don't know what that means. Won't look it up." Proud of his consistent opposition to polysyllabic words, Tuberville said, "Immigration. Education. Vaccination. No, no, no." The senator said, however, that he would continue supporting one-syllable words such as guns and oil. Summarizing his position, he said, "Short words good. Long words bad."

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Juan Matute

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