Monday, May 6, 2024

Andy Borowitz

The Borowitz Report 

4:10 AM (3 hours ago)
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HOLLAND, MICHIGAN (The Borowitz Report)—Weighing in on the unrest roiling the nation's campuses, on Monday Betsy DeVos called for all colleges and universities in the U.S. to be shut down forever.

"At institutions of so-called higher learning, students are exposed to books, ideas, and thinking," the former Secretary of Education said. "That will never end well."

DeVos said that during her tenure in the Trump administration she had tried to eliminate the nation's colleges and universities, but "sadly, I didn't get it done."

She held out hope, however, for a future in which America's youth lived "free from the tyranny of education."

"The four years students waste in college would be better spent inheriting family wealth," she said.

Juan Matute
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― The Lincoln Project

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