Tuesday, May 21, 2024

Andy Borowitz

The Borowitz Report borowitzreport@substack.com 

12:17 PM (1 hour ago)
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NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—An unhappily married Manhattan woman whose husband has been occupied for over a month is "deeply dreading" his upcoming week off, a friend of the woman revealed Tuesday.

The friend, who spoke on condition of anonymity, said the woman has been "deliriously happy" for the past five weeks and is "devastated" to see the idyll end.

"Since the middle of April, she could count on his being gone every day, except for Wednesdays," the friend said. "It was like a gift from heaven."

"Honestly, she doesn't know how she'll get through the week," she added. "The only saving grace is he spends most of the day sleeping."

Juan Matute
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